Our beloved senior Beer Geeks have outdone themselves yet again, and have proven that this newly dubbed Knight of the Beer Roundtable has much to learn. After paying a visit to my humble hovel this Thursday last, for a tasting of some of Schlafly’s finest wares, these noble imbibers have graced us with some of their talent at composing prose and poetry. I will not attempt to match their wit or adroitness with a quill, but will relate their assessments to you in the order that they crossed my threshold. The beers reviewed are: Ommegang Abbey Ale (provided as a warm-up by Jim), the 2006 & 2007 Schlafly Barleywine Reserve, and the 2007 & 2006 Schlafly Imperial Stout (provided by Mike, Gina, and a Hoosier Beer Geek ally now living in St. Louis) (and yes, I realize I transposed the years from the Barleywine to the Imperial Stout, that was the drinking order).
GINA (treating us with some haiku)
Pizza, beer, good company
We forgot one beer
Ommegang Abbey Dubbel - 4 mugs
Mild tempered Brew
Could easily drink too much
Glad Jim brought this beer
Schlafly Barleywine 2006 - 4.5 mugs
My favorite of the night
Would like to drink more
Schlafly Barleywine 2007 - 3.75 mugs
A little less sweet
drinkability still good
Like to try this aged
Schlafly Imperial Stout 2007 - 3.5 mugs
Good taste, light mouthfeel
I prefer stouts more malty
But this is still good
Schlafly Imperial Stout 2006 3.5 mugs
Bourbon Barrel Stout
Chocolate does help as said
Mellow the flavor
MIKE (the Weird Al of beer reviews)
"Now That's What I Call Beer #35"
Feist - 1,2,3,4
Ommegang Abbey Double - 3.19 mugs
One Two Three point one nine
a hint of bread, tomato, and apple is fine
Caramel front heavy lacing
seems a slight bit boozy tasting
Oh, you're a tasty start
Oh, a nice beer you are
Britney Spears - Gimme More
Schlafy's Reserve Aged on Oak Barleywine-Style Ale 2006 - 4.00 mugs
(It's Barleywine, bitch)
Everytime you look like sweet tea
Just got that orangey/sugar nose for you
You got a front that's oakey
little chewy and really drinkable (aren't you)
Gimme gimme four
Gimme gimme four
Gimme gimme four
Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folks
Schlafly Reserve Aged on Oak Barleywine-Style Ale 2007 - 3.00 mugs
If I told you I drank you before
Told you how you used to be
Would you go along as agreeably?
Or would you be transparent, less lacing
Still orange but less sugary
Light oak and more boozy?
And I cared more about the old oak
Talkin' 'bout the aged style
And I cared more for the old oak
Talkin' 'bout 3 mugs for yee
Talkin' 'bout 3 mugs for yee
Christina Aguilera - Candyman
Schlafly Reserve 2007 Imperial Stout - 2.50 mugs
I met it out at Kelly's on a Thursday night
A deep brown color in the electric light
Light lacing and a small head with a punchy front
A sweet but non-stout-y taste made me say huh
It's a different beer, sweet fruit front stout is weird
It's a 2.5 rated mug of shandy man
2.5 rated mug of shandy man
Fergie - Glamorous
Schlafly Reserve 2006 Imperial Stout - 3.25 mugs
We're drinking 06 last
aging it out
A more relaxed blast
of sugary stout
It's 3.0 mugs
For the 06
Ooh the flossy, flossy
JIM (brevity is the soul of wit and beer appreciation, especially when it involves a reprise of the four-word review)
Ommegang Abbey Ale (warm-up beer) - A dry, caramel delight. 4.25 mugs.
Schlafly Reserve Barleywine Style Ale 2006 - A brandy-like, sugary wonder. 4 mugs.
Schlafly Reserve Barleywine Style Ale 2007 - Like 2006, except "scotchy." 3.5 mugs.
Schlafly Reserve Imperial Stout 2007 - Imperial stout? Tastes Belgian. 3.25 mugs.
Schlafly Reserve Imperial Stout 2006 - Mellow, fruity, sweety, "bourbony." 3.5 mugs.
JASON (the one who started this poetry slam with a little 5,7, 5 action)
Ommegang Abbey Ale (4 mugs):
Carmel apple turned
to applesauce then to beer
that will kick your ass.
Schlafly Reserve Barleywine-style ale 2006, aged on oak (4.25 mugs):
A dessert beer for
sweet, woodsy, delish.
Schlafly Reserve Barleywine-style ale 2007, aged on oak (3 mugs):
No oak and no sweets.
More tart in flavor makes this
beer a tarter sauce.
Schlafly Reserve Imperial Stout 2007, aged in bourbon barrels (3.5 mugs):
Missouri stout plus
barrels from Kentucky makes
New Madrid Car Bomb
Schlafly Reserve Imperial Stout 2006, aged in bourbon barrels (3.5 mugs):
More stout, less bourbon,
plus bittersweet chocolate;
goes good with brownie.
CHRIS, who was suffering a cold (I’m amazed Nantucket never came up)
Ommegang, our warm-up beer, is from Belgium.
After sipping it I said, “Hell, Jim!”
I’ve had it before,
But this sucks even more.
In fact, it smells worse than a male’s gym!” 1.5 mugs
From Schlafly did four beers we taste,
But my share was likely a waste,
Though thankful I am they were free,
three to me kinda tasted like pee,
So then to Deano’s did I make haste. 2.5 mugs – Barleywine 2006, Imperial Stout 2006 & 2007
The one I liked was the barleywine, version 2007.
I think it was sent from either St. Louis or Heaven.
Though it smelled like earth and corn,
It can’t top lipstick lesbian porn,
But both get my engines fast revving. 3.5 mugs
MATT (who was there first, but is the newbie of the group)
Ommegang Abbey Ale – 3.75 mugs (in the style of H.P. Lovecraft)
Upon first taking a tentative draught of this elixir, I found myself terrified of the eldritch horror that all humans instinctively know, but pragmatically suppress when they taste a beer that bears such an uncanny similarity to wine and tastes of cherries. The smoothness and caramel flavor could easily lull one into complacency about his place in the world. Too many of these might push one over the brink of madness into a world of non-Euclidian geometry and forgotten deities who might destroy his liver without effort or care.
Schlafly Barleywine Reserve 2006 and 2007 – 3.5 and 3.25 mugs, respectively
(in the Nadsat style of A Clockwork Orange)
Welly welly well…I had a peet of both pivos and was sharpened up for a bit of the old ultra-chatting. Oh my brothers, the 2006 was all gorgeousness and gorgeosity and went down real horrorshow, with a bolshy taste of alcohol and a malenky bit of chocolate. In the 2007 your friend and humble narrator tasted more sladky sugar and hops but less nose. Moloko-plus it wasn’t, but this malchick isn’t complaining.
Schlafly Imperial Stout 2007 and 2006 – 3.5 and 3.25 respectively
(in the style of Dune)
Under the rule of the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV, the production of beer had suffered greatly. Not since the Butlerian Jihad had such sorry brews passed for beer in the Imperium. We thank Shai-Hulud that Emperor Paul-Muad’Dib has a taste for more than the Water of Life! The vintage of 10,192 AG (2007) is worth it’s weight in spice, tasting of wood, caramel, and bourbon. The latter is a fine brew, likely to be favored by Mentats to chase the bitter taste of sapho, as it is quite sweet, and with less bourbon than its successor. Drink without rhythm.
Our thanks go out to Mitch Turner at the St. Louis Brewery, Brand Manager of Schlafly Beer, who provided us with various versions of both of the Schlafly beers.